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TOM CRIB'S MEMORIAL 

TO 

CONGRESS. 

WITH 

& preface, 

NOTES, AND APPENDIX. 



BY ONE OF THE FANCY. 



AXX* «x Oia I1TKTIKH2 nAEON METEXEIV Tag nXucia; £*i- 
0TOfAi ts xsi spnztfia H IIOAEMIKH2; Eyw, £$>»!. — PLATO de Rep. 
Lib. 4. 

u If any man doubt the significancy of the language, we refer 
, him to the third volume of Reports, set forth by the learned in the 
Laws of Canting, and published in this tongue." — Ben Jon son. 



THIRD EDITION. 






LONDON: J-** 



PRINTED FOR LONGMAN, HURST, REES, ORME, 
AND BROWN, PATERNOSTER* ROW. 

1819. 



rrr 






[9< 



PREFACE. 



THE Public have already been informed, through 
the medium of the daily prints, that, among the 
distinguished visitors to the Congress lately held 
at Aix-la-Chapelle, were Mr. Bob Gregson, Mr. 
George Cooper, and a few more illustrious bre- 
thren of The Fancy. It had been resolved at a 
Grand Meeting of the Pugilistic Fraternity, that, 
as all the milling Powers of Europe were about 
to assemble, personally or by deputy, at Aix-la- 
Chapelle, it was but right that The Fancy should 
have its representatives there as well as the rest, 
and these gentlemen were accordingly selected for 

b 



VI 



that high and honourable office. A description 
of this Meeting, of the speeches spoken, the re- 
solutions, &c. &c. has been given in a letter written 
by one of the most eminent of the profession, 
which will be found in the Appendix, No. I. 
Mr. Crib's Memorial, which now for the first time 
meets the public eye, was drawn up for the pur- 
pose of being transmitted by these gentlemen to 
Congress ; and, as it could not possibly be in 
better hands for the enforcement of every point 
connected with the subject, there is every reason 
to hope that it has made a suitable impression 
upon that body. 

The favour into which this branch of Gymnas- 
tics, called Pugilism, (from the Greek, ?r&£, as the 
Author of Boxiana learnedly observes) has risen 
with the Public of late years, and the long season 



Vll 



of tranquillity which we are now promised by the 

new Millenarians of the Holy League^ encourage 

us to look forward with some degree of sanguine- 

ness to an order of things, like that which Plato 

and Tom Ciub have described, (the former in 

the motto prefixed to this work, and the latter in 

the interesting Memorial that follows), when the 

Milling shall succeed to the Military system, and 

The Fancy will be the sole arbitress of the trifling 

disputes of mankind. From a wish to throw 

every possible light on the history of an Art, 

which is destined ere long to have such influence 

upon die affairs of the world, I have, for some 

time past, been employed in a voluminous and 

elaborate work, entitled " A Parallel between 

Ancient and Modern Pugilism," which is now in 

a state of considerable forwardness, and which 

I hope to have ready for delivery to subscribers 

b2 



Vlll 

on the morning of the approaching fight between 
Bandall and Martin. Had the elegant author of 
Boxiana extended his inquiries to the ancient 
state of the art, I should not have presumed to 
interfere with a historian so competent. But, as 
Ills researches into antiquity have gone no farther 
than the one valuable specimen of erudition which, 
I have given above, I feel the less hesitation 



novos decerpere flores, 



Insignemque meo capiti petere inde coronam, 
Unde prius nulli velarint tempora Musae. * 

Lucret. Lib. 4. v. 3. 

The variety of studies necessary for such a task, 
and the multiplicity of references which it re- 
quires, as well to the living as the dead, can only 
be fully appreciated by him who has had the 

* To wander through The Fancy's bowers, 
To gather new, unheard-of flowers, 
And wreathe such garlands for my brow, 
As Poet never wreathed till now ! 



IX 



patience to perform it. Alternately studying in 
the Museum and the Fives Court— passing from 
the Academy of Plato to that of Mr. Jackson— 
now indulging in Attic flashes with Aristophanes, 
and now studying Flash in the Attics of Cock 
Court* — between so many and such various 
associations has my mind been divided during 
the task, that sometimes, in my bewilderment, 
I have confounded Ancients and Moderns to- 
gether, — mistaken the Greek of St. Giles's for that 
of Athens, and have even found myself tracing 
Bill Gibbons and his Bull in the " taurum tibi^ 
pulcher Apollo" of Virgil. My printer, too, has 
been affected with similar hallucinations. The 
Mil. Glorios. of Plautus he converted, the other 

♦The residence of The Nonpareil, Jack Randall, — where, the day 
after his last great victory, he held a levee, which was attended, 
of course, by all the leading characters of St. Giles's. 



day> into a Glorious Mill; and more than once, 
when I have referred to Tom. prim, or Tom. 
quart, he has substituted Tom Crib and Tom 
Oliver in their places. Notwithstanding all this, 
the work will be found, I trust, tolerably correct; 
and as an Analysis of its opening Chapters may 
not only gratify the impatience of the Fanciful 
World, but save my future reviewers some trouble, 
it Is here given as succinctly as possible. 

Chap. 1. contains some account of the ancient 
inventors of pugilism, Epeus and Amycus. — The 
early exploit of the former, in milling his twin- 
brother, in ventre matris, and so getting before 
him into the world, as related by Eustathius on 
the authority of Lycophron, — Amycus, a Royal 
Amateur of the Fancy, who challenged to the 
scratch all strangers that landed on his shore. — 



XI 



The Combat between him and Pollux, (who, to 
use the classic phrase, served him out), as de- 
scribed by Theocritus,* Apollonius Rhodius,-f- 
and Valerius Flaccus. J — Respective merits of 
these three descriptions. — Theocritus by far the 
best ; and altogether, perhaps, the most scientific 
account of a Boxing-match in all antiquity.— 
Apollonius ought to have done better, with such 
a model before him ; but, evidently not up to the 
thing (whatever Scaliger may say), and his similes 
all slum.§ — Valerius Flaccus, the first Latin Epic 
Poet after Virgil, has done ample justice to this 

* Idyl 22. 
t Argonaut. Lib. 2. 
1 Lib. 4. 

§ Except one, fiarwiros o<a, which is good, and which Fawkes, 
therefore, has omitted. The following couplet from his translation 
is, however, fayiciful enough: — 

" So from their batter'd cheeks loud echoes sprung, 
Their dash'd teeth crackled, and their jaw-bones rung/' 



Xll 



Set-to; the feints, facers,* and ribbers, all de- 
scribed most spiritedly. 

Chap. 2. proves that the Pancratium of the 
ancients, as combining boxing and wrestling, was 
the branch of their Gymnastics that most re- 
sembled our modern Pugilism ; cross-buttocking 
(or what the Greeks called uVo^xeX^g/v) being as 
indispensable an ingredient, as nobbing, flooring, 
&c. &c. — Their ideas of a stand-up flght very 

* Ernicat hie, dextramque parat, dextramque minatur 
Tyndarides ; redit hue oculis & pondere Bebryx 
Sic ratus : ille autem celeri rapit or a sinistra. 

Lib. 4. v. 290. 
We have here a feint and a facer together. The manner in which 
Valerius Flaccus describes the multitude of 6/acA-guards that 
usually assemble on such occasions, is highly poetical and pic- 
turesque ; he supposes them to be Shades from Tartarus. — 
Et pater orantes caesorum Tartarus umbras 
Nube cava tandem ad meritae spectacula pugnae 
Emitttt ; summi nigrescunt culmina montis. v, 25 8. 






Xlll 

similar to our own, as appears from the to itaisiv 
a\ty\8$ OP0O2TA AHN of Lucian,— irep Tyava^. 

Chap. 3. examines the ancient terms of the 
Fancy, as given by Pollux (Onomast. ad Jin. 
Lib. 3.) and others; and compares them with 
the modern. — For example, &YX siy 9 to throttle — 
Xvyigeiv, evidently the origin of our word to lug — 
ccyKvgtfav, to anchor a fellow, (see Grose's Greek 
Dictionary, for the word anchor) — Spoca-creiv (perf. 
pass. $e$ga,y[Aoti), from which is derived to drag'; 
and whence, also, ajlash etymologist might con- 
trive to derive Sg apa, drama, Thespis having first 
performed in a drag.* This chapter will be 
found highly curious ; and distinguished, I flatter 
myself, by much of that acuteness, which enabled 
a late illustrious Professor to discover that our 

* The Flash term for a cart. 



XIV 

English " Son of a Gun" was nothing more than 
the lia.15 Tvyyj$ (Dor.) of the Greeks. 

Chap. 4. enumerates the many celebrated 
Boxers of antiquity. — Eryx, (grandson of the 
Amycus already mentioned), whom Hercules is 
said to have finished in style. — Phrynon, the 
Athenian General, and Autolycus, of whom, Pau- 
sanias tells us, there was a statue in the Pry- 
taneum — The celebrated Pugilist, who, at the 
very moment he was expiring, had game enough 
to make his adversary give in ; which interesting 
circumstance forms the subject of one of the Pic- 
tures of Philostratus, Icon. Lib. 2. Imag. 6. — and 
above all, that renowned Son of the Fancy, Me- 
lancomas, the favourite of the Emperor Titus, in 
whose praise Dio Chrysostomus has left us two 



XV 



elaborate orations.* — The peculiarities of this 
boxer discussed — his power of standing with his 
arms extended, for two whole days, without any 
rest, ($vvah$ yv, says Dio, kou ho r^s^as £%y$ [tsvsiv 
a.va,?eloLY.uj$ tag %s*fa;, koli bk av siSsv 8$ai$ vpsvlct 
avhv ij aya,7ta.v(roc^sYoy waritsg siwQan. Orat. 28.), by 
which means he wore out his adversary's bottom, 
and conquered without either giving or taking. 
This bloodless system of milling, which trusted 
for victory to patience alone, has afforded to the 
orator, Themistius, a happy illustration of the 
peaceful conquests which he attributes to the 
Emperor Valens. -f- 

* The following words, in which Dio so decidedly prefers the 
art of the Boxer to that of the Soldier, would perhaps have been a 
still more significant motto to Mr. Crib's Memorial than that which 
I have chosen from Plato. Kat y.a,9o\a £e zywys t»to tv\; ty cotj 

t Hv Tig iiti twv Trooyovwv twv rjjtxelsfwy 9Pjy.7>j; av»jp, M iXayxo/xa; 
ovo/x« kvIm qv1o; ovfcyct Tfwnole T^a/o-a;, ah i:aVt^ctg f ^oy*j 



XVI 

Chap. 5. notices some curious points of simi- 
larity between the ancient and modern Fancy — 
Thus, Theocritus, in his Milling-match, calls 
Amycus " a glutton" which is well known to be 
the classical phrase at Moulsey-Hurst, for one 
who, like Amycus, takes a deal of punishment 
before he is satisfied. 

Ilijjg yao fa AtOf vtog AAH$ArON ar^fa xw&iXjv. 

In the same Idyl the poet describes the Bebrycian 
hero as Tt\yycu$ jicgSywy, " drunk with blows," 
which is precisely the language of our Fancy 
bulletins ; for example, " Turner appeared as if 
drunk, and made a heavy lolloping hit/' &c. &c. * 
— The resemblance in the manner of fighting still 
more striking and important. Thus we find 

•nj g-ctcrn %ai rn twv xsiowf ava?ac"u Tiaylag «7r£xv«(e rug ctvlntateg, 
Themist. Orat. ntpi Eipwvg. 
* Kent's Weekly Dispatch. 



XV11 

Crib's favourite system of milling on the retreat, 
which he practised so successfully in his combats 
with Gregson and Molyneux, adopted by Alcida- 
mus, the Spartan, in the battle between him and 
Capaneus, so minutely and vividly described by 
Statius, Thebaid, Lib. 6. 

sed non, taraen, immemor artis, 

Adversus fugit, etfugiens tamen ictibus obstat. * 

And it will be only necessary to compare together 
two extracts from Boxiana and the Bard of Syra- 
cuse, to see how similar in their manoeuvres have 
been the millers of all ages — " The Man of 
Colour, to prevent being Jibbed, grasped tight 
hold of Carter's hand^-f- — (Account of the Fight 
between Robinson, the Black, and Carter), which, 

* Yet, not unmindful of his art, he hies, 
But turns his face, and combats as he flies, 

Lewis. 
t A manoeuvre, generally called Tom Owen's stop. 



XV111 

(translating Af Aajo/wvo* , " the Lily-white, " # ) is al- 
most word for word with the following : 

H70i Qy£ p£ai vi XtXaio ( <x*Yo; (xsya £pyov 

Theocrit. 

Chap. 6. proves, from the Jazew^-match and 
#££-fo between Ulysses and the Beggar in the 
18th Book of the Odyssey, that the ancients 
(notwithstanding their Sixoua, (taxfivrwv, or Laws 
of Combatants, which, Artemidorus says in his 
chap. 88. Ttzpi MoyO|xa;£. extended to pugilism as 
well as other kinds of combats) did not properly 
understands/air play ; as Ulysses is here obliged 
to require an oath from the standers-by, that they 
will not deal him a sly knock, while he is cleaning 
out the mumper— 

M>i «nf *7r' lou) Y[' t a ^fpwv i(Xi yjifi fj:a yj i ^ 
IIX>j£*] cclncQciX'Kvjy, thIuj $i (jle i$i la^xaaon, 

* The Flash term lor a negro; and also for a chimney-sweeper. 



X1K 

Chap. 7. describes the Cstus, and shows that 
the Greeks, for mere exercise or sparring, made 
use of muffles or gloves as we do, which they 
called <r<pcLipaLi. This appears particularly from a 
passage in Plato, de Leg. Lib. 8, where, speaking 
of training, he says, it is only by frequent use of 
the gloves that a knowledge of stopping and 
hitting can be acquired. The whole passage is 
curious, as proving that the Divine Plato was 
not altogether a novice in the Fancy lay.* — 
Kai vo$ eyyvlofla tov opois, avli Ipxvlwv 2$AIPAS a,v 

* Another philosopher, Seneca, has shewn himself equally flash 
on the subject, and, in his 13th Epistle, lays it down as an axiom, 
that no pugilist can be considered worth anything, till he has had 
his peepers taken measure of for a suit of mourning, or, in common 
language, has received a pair of black eyes. The whole passage 
is edifying : — u Non potest athleta magnos spiritus ad certamen 
adferre, qui nunquam sugillatus est. llle qui vidit sanguinem suum, 
cujusdentescrepueruntsubpugno,illequisupplantatusadversarium 
toto tulit corpore, nee projecit animum projectus, qui quotiescecidit 
contumacior resurrexit, cum magna spe descendit ad pugnara." 



XX 



ftepizSeiusQa,, hug di IIAHrAI re yttxl di TI2N IIAHmN 
ETAABEIAI Sie^sXslujyluj ei$ ?i Svvahv \kqlvw$. — 
These muffies were called by the Romans sacculi, 
as we find from TrebelliusPollio, who in describing 
a triumph of Gallienus, mentions the " Pugiles 
sacculis non veritate pugilantes." 

Chap. 8. adverts to the pugilistic exhibitions 
of the Spartan ladies, which Propertius has thus 
commemorated — 

Pulverulentaque ad extremos stat fcemina metas, 

Et patitur duro vulnera pancratio; 
Nunc ligat ad csestum gaudentia brachia loris, &c. &c. 

Lib. 3. El. 14. 

and to prove that the moderns are not behind- 
hand with the ancients in this respect, cites the 
following instance recorded in Boxiana. — " George 
Madox, in this battle, was seconded by his sister, 
Grace, who, upon its conclusion, tossed up her hat in 



XXI 

defiance, and offered to fight any man present'' — 
also the memorable challenge, given in the same 
work (V. i. p. 300.), which passed between Mrs. 
Elizabeth Wilkinson of Clerkenwell, and Miss 
Hannah Hyfield of Newgate-Market — another 
proof that the English may boast many a " dolce 
guerriera" as well as the Greeks. 

Chap, 9. contains Accounts of all the celebrated 
Set4os of antiquity, translated from the works of 
the different authors that have described them,' — 
viz. the famous Argonautic Battle, as detailed by 
the three poets mentioned in chap. 1. — the Fight 
between Epeus and Euryalus, in the 23d Book 
of the Iliad, and between Ulysses and Irus in the 
J 8th Book of the Odyssey — the Combat of Dares 
and Entellus in the 5th iEneid, — of Capaneus 
and Alcidamus, already referred to, in Statius, 



L 



XXII 

and of Achelous and Hercules in the 9th Book 
of the Metamorphoses ; — though this last is rather 
a wrestling-bout than a mill) resembling that 
between Hercules * and Antaeus in the 4th Book 
of Lucan. The reader who is anxious to know- 
how I have succeeded in this part of my taskj 
will find, as a specimen, my translation from 
Virgil in the Appendix to the present work} 
No. % 

Chap. 10. considers the various arguments, fof 

* Though wrestling was evidently the favourite sport of Her- 
cules, we find him, in the Alcestes, just returned from a Bruising- 
match ; and it is a curious proof of the superior consideration in 
which these arts were held, that for the lighter exercises, he tells 
us, horses alone were the reward, while to conquerors in the higher 
games of pugilism and wrestling, whole herds of cattle (with some- 
times a young lady into the bargain) were given as prizes. 

Nixuxn, irvy(/.nv xui 7raX»iV, fiwCBof fiia 
Tvyn lUn avlois itirs t\ Eurip. 



and against Pugilism, advanced by writers ancient 
and modern. — A strange instance of either igno- 
rance or wilful falsehood in Lucian, who* in his 
Anacharsis, has represented Solon as one of the 
warmest advocates for Pugilism, whereas we know 
from Diogenes Laertius that that legislator took 
every possible pains to discourage and suppress 
it — Alexander the Great, too> tasteless enough to 
prohibit the Fancy, (Plutarch in Vit.) — Galen 
in many parts of his works, but particularly in the 
Hortat. ad. Art. condemns the practice as ener- 
vating and pernicious.* — On the other side, the 
testimonies in its favour, numerous. — The greater 



* It was remarked by the ancient physicians, that men who 
were in the habit of boxing and wrestling became remarkably lean 
and slender from the loins downward, while the upper parts of 
their frame acquired prodigious size and strength. I couid name 
some pugilists of the present day, whose persons seem to warrant 
the truth of this observation* 



number of Pindar's Nemean Odes written in 
praise of pugilistic champions; — and Isocrates, 
though he represents Alcibiades as despising the 
art> yet acknowledges that its professors were 
held in high estimation through Greece, and that 
those cities, where victorious pugilists were born, 
became illustrious from that circumstance;* just 
as Bristol has been rendered immortal by the 
production of such heroes as Tom Crib, Harry 
Harmer, Big Ben, Dutch Sam, &c. &c. — Ammia- 
nus MarceUinus tells us how much that religious 
and pugnacious Emperor, Constantius, delighted in 
the Set-tos, "pugilum-f- vicissim se concidentium 

*Ta; t' a9\*{la$ ^"Ka^BVug, %rti tag iroXst; ovofxara; yiyvofJLsvuc; Twv 
vixwvJicv. Isocrat. tizpi <rov Zivy&j;> — An oration written by Iso- 
crates for the son of Alcibiades. 

t Notwithstanding that the historian expressly says " pugiluro," 
Lipsius is so anxious to press this circumstance into his Account of 
the Ancient Gladiators, that he insists such an effusion of claret 






XXV 

perfusorumque sanguine." — To these are added 
still more flattering testimonies ; such as that of 
Isidorus, who calls Pugilism " virtus," as if par 
excellence ; * and the yet more enthusiastic tribute 
with which Eustathius reproaches the Pagans, 
of having enrolled their Boxers in the number of 
the Gods. — In short, the whole chapter is full of 
erudition and vs$ \ — from Z?/cophron (whose very 
name smacks of pugilism) down to Boxiana and 
the Weekly Dispatch, not an author on the 
subject is omitted. 

So much for my " Parallel between Ancient 
and Modern Pugilism." And now, with respect 
to that peculiar language, called Flash or St. 

could only have taken place in the gladiatorial combat. But Lip- 
sius never was at Moulsey Hurst. See his Saturnal. Sermon. 
Lib. 1. cap. 2. 

* Origin. Lib. 18. c. 18. 



XXVI 

Giles's Greek, in which Mr. Crib's Memorial 
and the other articles in the present volume are 
written, I beg to trouble the reader with a few 
observations. As this expressive language was 
originally invented, and is still used, like the 
cipher of the diplomatists, for purposes of secrecy, 
and as a means of eluding the vigilance of a cer- 
tain class of persons, called, flashice, Traps, or in 
common language, Bow-street-Officers, it is subject 
of course to continual change, and is perpetually 
either altering the meaning of old words, or add- 
ing new ones, according as the great object, 
secrecy, renders it prudent to have recourse to 
such innovations. In this respect, also, it re- 
sembles the cryptography of kings and ambassa- 
dors, who by a continual change of cipher con- 
trive to baffle the inquisitiveness of the enemy. 
But, notwithstanding the Protean nature of the 



XXV11 

Flash or Cant language, the greater part of its 
vocabulary has remained unchanged for centuries, 
and many of the words used by the Canting 
Beggars in Beaumont and Fletcher, * and the 
Gipsies in Ben Jonsons Masque, -f- are still to 
be heard among the Gnostics of Dyot-street and 
Tothill-fields. To prig is still to steal ; % to fib, 
to beat ; lour, money ; duds, clothes ; § prancers, 

* In their amusing comedy of " The Beggar's Bush." 

t The Masque of the Gipsies Metamorphosed. — The Gipsy lan- 
guage, indeed, with the exception of such terms as relate to their 
own peculiar customs, differs but little from the regular Flash; as 
may be seen by consulting the Vocabulary, subjoined to the Life of 
Bamfylde-Moor Carew. 

X See the third Chapter, 1st Book of the History of Jonathan 
Wild, for " an undeniable testimony of the great antiquity of 
Priggism" 

§ An angler for duds is thus described by Dekker. u He car- 
ries a short staff in his hand, which is called a. filch, having in the 
nab or head of it aferme (that is to say a hole) into which, upon 
any piece of service, when he goes a. filching, he putteth a hooke 
of iron, with which hooke he angles at a window in the dead of 



XXV111 

horses; bouzing-ken, an alehouse; cove, a fellow; 
a sow's baby, a pig, &c. &c. There are also 
several instances of the same term, preserved with 
a totally different signification. Thus, to mill, 
which was originally " to rob," # is now u to beat 
or fight ;" and the word rum, which in Ben Jon- 
son's time, and even so late as Grose, meant fine 
and good, is now generally used for the very 
opposite qualities ; as, " he's but a rum one," &c. 
Most of the Cant phrases in Head's English 
Rogue, which was published, I believe, in 1666, 
would be intelligible to a Greek of the present 
day ; though it must be confessed that the Songs 
which both he and Dekker have given w T ould 

night for shirts, smockes, or any other linen or woollen." En- 
glish Villanies. 

• M Can they cant or mill? are they masters in their art?" — 
Ben Jonson. To mill, however, sometimes signified " to kill." 
Thus, to mill a bleating cheat, i. e. to kill a sheep. 



XXIX 

puzzle even that " Graiae gentis decus," Caleb 
Baldwin, himself. For instance, one of the 
simplest begins, 

Bing out, bien Morts, and toure and toure, 

Bing out, bien Morts, and toure ; 
For all jour duds are bing'd awast; 

The bien Cove hath the loure. 

To the cultivation, in our times, of the science 
of Pugilism, the Flash Language is indebted for a 
considerable addition to its treasures. Indeed, 
so impossible is it t6 describe the operations of 
The Fancy without words of proportionate 
energy to do justice to the subject, that we find 
Pope and Cowper, in their translation of the Set-to 
in the Iliad, pressing words into the service which 
had seldom, I think, if ever, been enlisted into 
the ranks of poetry before. Thus Pope, 

Secure this hand shall his whole frame confound, 
Mash all his bones and all his body pound. 



XXX 

Cowper, in the same manner, translates xotys h 

itapyw, " pasftd him on the cheek ;" and, 

in describing the wrestling-match, makes use of 
a term, now more properly applied to a peculiar 
kind of blow, * of which Mendoza is supposed to 
have been the inventor. 

Then his wiles 
Forgat not he, but on the ham behind 
Chopped him. 

Before I conclude this Preface, which has 
already I fear extended to an unconscionable 
length, I cannot help expressing my regret at the 
selection which Mr. Crib has made, of one of the 
Combatants introduced into the imaginary Set-fd 

* " A chopper is a blow, struck on the face with the back of the 
hand. Mendoza claims the honour of its invention, but unjustly ; 
lie certainly revived, and considerably improved it. It was prac* 
Used long before our time — Broughtun occasionally used it \ and 
Slack, it also appears, struck the chopper in giving the return in 
many of his battles." — Boxiana, v. 2. p. 20. 



XXXI 

that follows. That person has already been ex* 
hibited, perhaps, " usque ad nauseam" before the 
Public; and, without entering into the propriety of 
meddling with such a personage at all, it is certain 
that, as a mere matter of taste, he ought now to 
be let alone. All that can be alleged for Mr. 
Crib is — what Rabelais has said in defending the 
moral notions of another kind of cattle — he 
" knows no better." But for myself, in my edi- 
torial capacity* I take this opportunity of de- 
claring, that, as far as / am concerned, the per- 
son in question shall henceforward be safe and 
inviolate ; and, as the Covent-Garden Managers 
said, when they withdrew their much-hissed 
Elephant* this is positively the last time of his 
appearing on the Stage. 



TOM CRIBS MEMORIAL 



TO 



CONGRESS. 



MOST Holy, and High, and Legitimate squad, 
First Swells* of the world, since Boneys in quod,\ 
Who have everything now, as Bill Gibbons would say, 
"Like the bull in the china shop, all your own way" — 
Whatsoever employs your magnificent nobs, % 
Whether diddling your subjects, and gutting their 
fobs,— § 

* Swell, a great man. 

f In prison. The dab *s in quod ; the rogue id in prison. 
J Heads. 

§ Taking out the contents. Thus gutting a quart pot, (or taking 
out the lining of it) i. e. drinking it off. 

1 



(While you hum the poor spoonies* with speeches, 

so pretty, 
'Bout Freedom, and Order, and — all my eye, Betty) 
Whether praying, or dressing, or dancing the hays. 
Or lapping your congo-f at Lord C — stl-t-r — gh's, — J 
(While his Lordship, as usual, that very great dabh 
At the flowers of rhet'ric, is flashing his gab || ) 
Or holding State Dinners, to talk of the weather, 
And cut up your mutton and Europe together ! 
Whatever your gammon, whatever your talk, 
Oh deign, ye illustrious Cocks of the Walk, 
To attend for a moment, — and if the Fine Arts 
Of Jibbing <[[ and boring ^[ be dear to your hearts ; 

* Simpletons, alias Innocents. f Drinking your tea. 

$ See the Appendix, No. 3. § An adept. 

|| Showing off his talk. — Better expressed, perhaps, by a late 
wit, who, upon being asked what was going on in the House of 
Commons, answered, " only Lord C, airing his vocabulary." 

% All terms of the Fancy, and familiar to those who read th#. 
Transactions <af the Pugilistic Society. 



;find V 

1-) 



If to level, % to punish^ to riiffian% mankind, 
And to darken their daylights^* be pleasures refin i 
(As they must he) for every Legitimate mind, 
Oh listen to one, who, both able and willing 
To spread through creation the myst'ries of milling, 
(And, as to whose politics, search the world round, 
Not a sturdier Pit-tite\ e'er liv'd — under ground) 
Has thought of a plan, which — excuse his pre- 
sumption — 
He hereby submits to your Royal rumgumption.% 



It being now settled that emp'rors and kings, 
Like kites made of foolscap, are high-flying things, 
To whose tails a few millions of subjects, or so 
Have been tied in a string, to be whisk'd to and fro. 
Just wherever it suits the saidjbolscap to go 



*} 



* To close up their eyes — alias, to suw i/p their sees. 
f Tom received his first education in a Coal Pit ; from whence 
he has been honoured with the name of*' the Black Diamond." 
X Gumption or Rumgnmption, comprehension, capacity. 

B 2 



This being all settled, and Freedom all gammon, * 
And nought but your Honours worth wasting a 

d — n on -, 
While snug and secure you may now run your rigs,\ 
Without fear that old Boney will bother your gigs — 
As your Honours, too, bless you ! though all of a 

trade, 
Yet agreeing like new ones, have lately been made 
Special constables o'er us, for keeping the peace, — 
Let us hope now that wars and rumbustions will cease ; 
That soldiers and guns, like " the Dev'l and his works/' 
Will henceforward be left to Jews, Negers, and 

Turks 5 
Till Brown Bess % shall soon, like Miss TabithaFusty, 
For want of a spark to go off with, grow rusty, 

* Nonsense or humbug, 
f Play your tricks, 
f A soldier's fire-lock. 



And lobsters* will lie such a drug upon hand,, 
That our do-nothing Captains must all get japami'dl f 
My eyes, how delightful ! — the rabble well gagg'd, 
The Swells in high feather, and old Boney l(igg'd!\ 

But, though we must hope for such good times as these, 
Yet as something may happen to hick up a breeze — 
Some quarrel, reserved for your own private picking — 
Some grudge, even now in your great gizzards 

sticking — 
(God knows about what — about money, mayhap, 
Or the Papists, or Dutch, or that Kid, § Master Nap.) 

* Soldiers, from the colour of their clothes. u To boil one's lob- 
ster means for a churchman to turn soldier; lobsters, which are of 
a bluish black, being made red by boiling.'' — Grose. Butler's in- 
genious simile will occur to the reader: — 

When, like a lobster boiled, the Morn 
From black to red began to turn. 

•f Ordained — i. e. become clergymen. 

$ Transported. 

§ Child. — Hence our useful word, kidnapper — to nab a kid 
being to steal a child. Indeed, we need but recollect the many ex- 



6 



And, setting in case there should come such a rumpus, 
As some mode of settling the chat we must compass, 
With which the tag-rag * will have nothing to do — 
What think you, great Swells, of a Royal Set-to? f 
A Ring and fair fat-work at Aix-la-Chapelle, 
Or at old Moulsey-Hurst, if you likes it as well — 
And that all may he fair as to wind, weighty and 

science, 
PR answer to train the whole Holy Alliance ! 

Just think, please your Majesties, how you'd prefer it 
To mills such as Waterloo, where all the merit 
To vulgar, red-coated rapscallions must fall, 
Who have no Right Divine to have merit at all ! 



cellent and necessary words to which Johnson has affixed the stigma 
of" cant term/' to be aware how considerably the English language 
has been enriched by the contributions of the Flash fraternity. 

* The common people, the mobility. 

f A boxing-match. 



How much more select your own quiet Set-tos ! — 
And how vastly genteeler 'twill sound in the news, 
{Kent's Weekly Dispatch, that beats all others hollow 
For Fancy transactions) in terms such as follow : — 

ACCOUNT OF THE GRAND SET-TO BETWEEN LONG 
SANDY AND GEORGY THE PORPUS. 

Last Tuesday, at Moulsey, the Balance of Power 

Was settled by twelve Tightish Rounds, in an hour — 

The Buffers,* both " Boys of the Holy Ground"— \ 

Long Sandy, by name of the Bear much renown'd, 

And Georgy the Porpus y a. prime glutton reckon'd — 

Old thingummee Pottso { was Long Sandy's second, 

* Boxers — Irish cant. 

f The hitch in the metre here was rendered necessary by the 
quotation, which is from a celebrated Fancy chant, ending, every 
verse, thus: — 

For we are the Boys of the Holy Ground, 
And we'll dance upon nothing, and turn us round ! 
It is almost needless to add that the Holy Ground, or Land,is 
a well-known region of St. Giles's. 

J Tom means, I presume, the celebrated diplomatist, Pozzo di 



8 



And Georgy's was Pat C — stl — r — gh, — he, who 

lives 
At the sign of the King's Arms a-kimbo, and gives 
His small beer about, with the air of a chap 
Who believed it himself a prodigious strong tap. 

This being the first true Legitimate Match 
Since Tom took to training these Stvells for the scratch, 
Every lover of life, that had rhino to spare, 
From sly little Moses to B — 11 — g, was there. 
Never since the renown'd days of Broughton and 

Figg* 
Was the Fanciful World in such very prime twig — f 
And longbefore daylight, gigs, rattlers \,^mdprads §, 
Were in motion for Moulsey, brimful of the Lads. 

Borgo. — The Irish used to claim the dancer Didelot as their coun- 
tryman, insisting that the O had slipped out of its right place, and 
that his real name was Mr. O'Diddle. On the same principle they 
will, perhaps, assert their right to M. Pozzo. 

* The chief founders of the modern school of pugilism. 

t High spirits or condition. | Coaches. $ Horses. 



9 



Jack Eld — n, Old Sid, and some more, had come 

down 
On the evening before, and put up at The Crotvn, — 
Their old favourite sign, where themselves and their 

brothers 
Get. grub* at cheap rate, though it Jleeces all others $ 
Nor matters it how we, plebeians, condemn, 
As The Crotvn 's always sure of its license from them. 

'Twas diverting to see, as one ogled around, 

How Corinthians f and Commoners mixed on the 

ground. 
HereM — ntr — se and an Israelite met face to face, 
The Duke, a place-hunter, the Jew, from Duke's Place ; 
While Nicky V — ns — t, not caring to roam, 
Got among the xuhite-bag-men, + and felt quite at home. 

* Victuals. t Men of rank — vide Boxiana, passim. 

% Pick-pockets. 



10 



Here stood in a corner, well screen' d from the weather, 
Old Sid and the great Doctor Eady together, 
Both fanVd on the walls — with a d — n, in addition, 
Prefixed to the name of the former Physician. 
Here C — md — n, who never till now was suspected 
Of Fancy, or ought that is therewith connected, 
Got close to a dealer in donhies, who eyed him, 
Jack Scroggins remarks, <e just as if he'd have 

buyd him /* 
While poor Bogy B — ck — gh — m well might look 

pale, 
As there stood a great Rat-catcher close to his tail ! 

'Mong the vehicles, too, which were many and 

various, 
From natty barouche down to buggy precarious, 
We twigg'd more than one queerish sort of turn-out ; — 
C — nn — g came in ajo6, and then canter'd about 



11 



On a showy, but hot and unsound, bit of blood, "\ 
(For a leader once meant, but cast off, as no good) V 
Looki ng round, to secure a snug place if he could : — J 
While Eld — n, long doubting between a grey nag 
And a white one to mount, took his stand in a drag* 

At a quarter past ten, by Pat C — tl — r — gh's 

tattler, f 
Crib came on the ground, in a four-in-hand rattler; 
(For Tom, since he took to these Holy Allies, 
Is as tip-top a beau as all Bond Street supplies.) 
And, on seeing the Champion, loud cries of ' ' Fight, 

fight," 
(C Ring, ring/jp' Whip the Gemmea," were heard 

left and right. 



* A cart or waggon. 
f A walch. 



12 



But the kids, though impatient, were doomed to 

delay, 
As the Old P. C* ropes (which are now mark'd 

H.A.)t 
Being hack'd in the service, it seems had gi v' n way $ * 
And as rope is an article much up in price 
Since the Bank took to hanging, the lads had to 

splice. 

At length, the two Sivells, having entered the Ring 
To the tune the cotv died of, called " God save the 

King," 
Each threw up his castor $ 'mid general huzzas — 
And, if dressing would do, never yeL since the days 
When Humphries stood up to the Israelite's thumps, 
In gold-spangled stockings and touch-me-not pumps, § 

* The ropes and stakes used at the prize fights, being the pro- 
perty of the Pugilistic Club, are marked with the initials P. C. 
f For « Holy Alliance." J Hat. 

§ " The fine manly form of Humphries was seen to great ad- 



13 



Has there any thing equall'd thejal-lah and tricks 
That bedizen'd old Georgy's bang-up tog and kicks /* 
Havingfirst shaken daddies f (to show, Jackson said, 
It was " pro bono Pimlico J" chiefly they bled) 
'Bot\ipeeVd% — but, on laying his Dandy-belt by, 
Old Georgy went Jloush , and his backers look'd shy ; 

vantage; he had on a pair of fine flannel drawers, white silk stock- 
ings, the clocks of which were spangled with gold, and pumps tied 
with ribbon." — (Account of the First Battle betweenHumphries and 
Mendoza.) — The epistle which Humphries wrote to a friend, com- 
municating the result of this fight, is worthy of a Lacedaemonian. — ■ 
" Sir, T have done the Jew, and am in good health. Rich. Hum- 
phries." 

* Tog and kicks, coat and breeches. — Tog is one of the cant words, 
which Dekker cites, as " retaining a certain salt and tasting of 
some wit and learning,'' being derived from the Latin, toga. 

f Hands. | 

J Mr. Jackson *s residence is in Pimlico. — This gentleman (as he 
well deserves to be called, from the correctness of his conduct and 
the peculiar urbanity of his manners) forms that useful link be- 
tween the amateurs and the professors of pugilism, which, when 
broken, it will be difficult, if not wholly impossible, to replace. 

§ Stripped. 



14 



For they saw, notwithstanding Crib's honest en- 
deavour 

To train down the crummy * 'twas monstrous as ever ! 

Not so with Long Sandy — prime meat every inch — 

Which, of course, made the Gnostics f on t'other 
side flinch 5 

And Bob W — ls — n from Southwark, the gamest 
chap there, 

Was now heard to sing out, " Ten to one on the Bear !" 

First Round. Very cautious — the kiddies both 

sparred 

As if shy of the scratch — while the Porpus kept guard 

O'er his beautiful mug, % as if fearing to hazard 

One damaging touch in so dandy a mhzzard. 

Which t'other observing put in his One-Two § 

Between Georgy's left ribs, with a knuckle so true, 

* Fat. f Knowing ones. £ Face. 

§Two blows succeeding each other rapidly. — Thus (speaking of 
Itandall) "his one-two are put in with the sharpness of lightning. ,, 



15 



That had his heart lain in the right place, no doubt 
But the Bear's double-knock would have rummag'd 

it out — 
As it voas, Master Georgy came souse with the whack, 
And there sprawl' d, like a turtle turn'd queer on its 

back. 

Second Round. Rather sprightly— the Bear, in 

high gig, 
Took a fancy to flirt tioith the Porpus's wig ; 
And, had it been either a loose tye or hob, 
He'd have clatv'd it clean off, but 'twas glued to his 

nob. 
So he tippd him a settler they call " a Spoil-Dandy" 
Full plump in the whisker.— -High betting on Sandy. 

Third Round. Somewhat slack— Georgy tried to 

make play, 
But his own victualling-office * stood much in the way 5 
* The stomach or paunch. 



16 



While Sandy's long arms — long enough for a douse 
All the way from Kamschatka to Johnny Groat's 

House — 
Kept 'paddling about the poor Porpus's muns,* 
Till they made him as hot and as cross as Lent buns ! f 

Fourth Round. Georgy's backers look'd blank 

at the lad, 
When they saw what a rum knack of shifting $ he 

had — 
An old trick of his youth — but the Bear, up to sliim^ 
Follow' d close on my gentleman, kneading his crum 
As expertly as any Dead Man || about town, 
AH the way to the ropes-r-where, as Georgy went 

down, 

* Mouth, f Hot cross buns. 

$" Some have censured shifting as an unmanly custom. 1 ' — Box- 
iana. 

§ Humbug or gammon. 

|| Dead men are Bakers — so called from the loaves falsely 



17 



SAXDYtipp'dhimadose of that kind, that, when taken t 
It is n't the stuff, but the patient that's shaken. 

Fifth Round. Georgy tried for his customer's 

head — 
(The part of Long Sandy, that *s softest, 'tis said ; 
And the chat is that Nap, when he had him in tow, 
Found his knoxvledge~box* always the first thing to 

go) — 

charged to their master's customers. — The following is from an 
Account of the Battle fought by Nosworthy, the Baker, with Martin 
the Jew. 

*' First round. Nosworthy, on the alert, planted a tremendous 
hit on Martin's mouth, which not only drawed forth a profusion of 
claret, but he went down. — Loud shouting from the Bead Men ! \ 

" Second round. Nosworthy began to serve the Jew in style, 
and his hits told most tremendously. Martin made a good round 
of it, but fell rather distressed. The Dead Men now opened their 
mouths wide, and loudly offered six to four on the Master of the 
Rolls:' 

* The head. 



18 



Neat milling this Round — what with clouts on the nob, 
Home hits in the bread-basket, * clicks in the gob, \ 
And plumps in the daylights, J a prettier treat 
Between two Johnny Ratios § 'tis not easy to meet. 

Sixth Round. Georgy's friends in high flourish, 

and hopes ; 
Jack Eld — n, with others, came close to the ropes — 
And when Georgy, one time, got the head of the Bear 
Into Chancery,^ Eld — n sung out "keep him there;" 
But the cull broke away, as he would from Lob's- 

pound, *[ 
And after a rum sort of ruffianing Round 
Like cronies they hugg'd, and came smack to the 

ground $ 

* The stomach. t The mouth. $ The eyes. § Novices. 
H Getting the head under the arm, for the purpose of Jibbing. 
f A prison. — See Dr. Grej's explanation of this phrase in his 
notes upon Hudibras. 



19 



Poor Sandy the undermost, smothered and spread 
Like a German, tuck'd under his huge featherbed !* 
All pitied the patient — and loud exclamations, 
" My eyes /" and " my wig /" spoke the general 

sensations — 
'Twas thought Sandy's soul was squeezed out of his 

corpus, 
So heavy the crush. — Two to one on the Porpus ! 

Nota bene. — 'Twas curious to see all the pigeons 
Sent off by Jews, Flashmen, and other religions, 
To office, f with all due dispatch, through the air, 
To the Bulls of the Alley the fate of the Bear— 

* The Germans sleep between two beds ; and it is related that 
an Irish traveller, upon finding a feather bed thus laid over him, 
took it into his head that the people slept in strata, one upon the 
other, and said to the attendant, " will you be good enough to tell 
the gentleman or lady, that is to lie over me, to make haste, as I 
want to go asleep?" 

t To signify by letter. 

c 2 



20 



(For in these Fancy times, 'tis your hits in the muns 
And your choppers, andfloorers, that govern the Funds) 
And Consols, which had been all day shy enough,- 
When 'twas known in the Alley that Old Blue 

and Buff 
Had been down on the Bear, rose at once — up to 

snuff!* 

Seventh Round. Though hot-pressed, and as flat 

as a crumpet, 

Lotto Sandy shoWo\ game again, scorning to rump it ; 

And, fixing his eye on the Porpus's snout, f 

Which he knew that Adonis felt peery J about, 

By a feint \ truly elegant, tipp'd him a punch in 

The critical place, where he cupboards his luncheon, 

Which knock'd all the rich Curac/oa into cruds, 

And doubled him up, like a bag of old duds ! § 

* This phrase, denoting elevation of various kinds, is often ren- 
dered more emphatic by such adjuncts as " Up to snuff and two- 
penny." — " Up to snufft and a pinch above it," &c. &.C. 

t Nose. J Suspicious. § Clothes. 



21 



There\ie\a.y, almost frummagem'd *-<- every one said 
TTwas all Dicky xvith Georgy, his mug hung so dead : 
And' twas only by calling "your wife,Sir, your wife!*' 
(As a man would cry ic fire !") they could start him 

to life. 
Up he rose in 3LJitnk,f lapp*d a toothful of brandy, 
And to it again. — Any odds upon Sandy. 

Eighth Round. Sandy work'd like a first-rate 
demolisher: 

Bear as he is, yet his lick is no polisher ; 

And, take him at ruffianing work, (though, in com- 
mon, he 

Hums about Peace and all that, like a Domine$) 

* Choaked. t Fright. 

4 A Parson. — Thus in that truly classical song, the Christening 
©f Little Joey: 

** When Domine had nam'd the Kid 
Then home again they pik'd it ; 
A flash of lightning was prepared 
For every one that lik'd it." 



iwhile, 
amag'd L 



22 



Sandy's the boy, if once to it they fall, 
That will play up old gooseberry soon with them all. 
ThisRound was but short— after humouring awhile, , 
He proceeded to serve an ejectment, in style, 
Upon Georgy's front grinders*, which damag 

his smile 

So completely, that bets ran a hundred to ten 
The Adonis would ne erjlash his ivory f again — 
And 'twas pretty to see him rolVd round with the 

shock, 
Like a cask of fresh blubber in old Greenland Dock! 

Ninth Round. One of Georgy's bright ogles % 

was put 
On the bankruptcy list, with its shop-windows shut; 
While the other soon made quite as iag-rag a show, 

All rimnfd round with black, like the Courier in tvoe I 
i 
• Teeth. * f Show his teeth. % Eyes. 



23 



Much alarm was now seen 'mong the Israelite Kids, 
And B — r — g, — the devil's ourn boy for the quids, * — 
Dispatch'd off a pigeon (the species, no doubt, 
That they call B — r — g's stock-dove) with word 
r f to sell out/' 

From this to the finish, 'twas all fiddle J "addle — 
PoorGEORGY,atlast,couldscarceholduphisrftffiW/£ — 
With grinders dislodg'd, and with peepers both 

poached, f 
'Twas not till theTenth Round his c/a re* % was broach' d: 
As the cellarage lay so deep down in the fat, 
Like his old M a's purse, 'twas curs' d hard to 

get at. 
But a pelt in the smellers § (too pretty to shun, 
If the lad even could) set it going like fun ; 

* Money. 

t French cant ; Les yeux poch€s au beurre noir. — See the Die- 
tionnaire Comique. 

$ Blood. $ Hie nose. 



24 



And this being the first Royal Claret let flow, 
Since Tom took the Holy Alliance in tow, 
The uncorking produced much sensation about, 
As bets had been flush on the first painted snout* 
Nota bene, — A note was wing'd off to the Square 
Just to hint of this awful phlebotomy there ; — 
Bob Gregson, whose wit at such things is exceeding,* 
Inclosing a large sprig of " Love lies a bleeding !" 



cer and Jail, -\ 
time at all, > 

c'd to sing small, f * 



In short, not to dwell on e^eh facer and fall, 

Poor Georgy was done up in no time < 

And his spunkiest backers were forc'd to sing 6 

In vain did they try to Jig up the old lad, 

'Twas like using persuaders J upon a dead prad ; § 

In vain |] BogyB — ck — gh — m fondly besought him, 

To show like himself, if not game, at least bottom ; 

* Some specimens of Mr. Gregson's Wrical talents are given in 
the Appendix, No. 4. 

t To be humbled or abashed. % Spurs. § Horse. 

|1 For the meaning of this term, see Grose. 



25 



While M— rl— y, that very great Count, stood de- 
ploring 
He had n't taught Georgy his new modes of boring:* 
All useless — no art can transmogrify truth — ■ 
It was plain the conceit was milled out of the youth. 
In the Twelfth and Last Round Sandy fetch'd him 

a downer, 
That left him all's one as cold meat for the Cr owner ; f 
On which the whole Populace^asAW the white grin 
Like a basket of chips, and poor Georgy gave in : I 
While the fiddlers (old Potts having tipp'd them a 

bandy) § 
Play'd "Green grow the rushes "\\ in honour of Sandy ! 

* " The ponderosity of Crib, when in close quarters with his 
opponent, evidently bored in upon him, &c." 

t The Coroner. 

% The ancient Greeks had a phrase of similar structure, iv£iow/ou, 
cedo. 

§ A bandy or cripple, a sixpence ; " that piece being commonly 
much bent and distorted." — Grose. 

|| The well-known compliment paid to the Em peror of all the 
Russias by some Irish musicians. 



26 



NOW, what say your Majesties ) — is n't this prime ? 
Was there ever French Bulletin half so sublime } 
Or could old NAr himself, in his glory,* have wish'd 
To shotv up a fat Gemman more handsomely dish'd? — 
Oh, bless your great hearts, let them say what they will, 
Nothing *s half so genteel as a regular Mill; 
And, for settling of balances, all I know is 
'Tis the way Caleb Baldwin prefers settling his.f 
As for lackers, you've lots of Big->wigs about Court, 
That will back you — the rq^being tired of that sport, — 

* See Appendix, No. 5, 

t A trifling instance of which is recorded in Boxiana. " A 
fracas occurred between Caleb Baldwin and the keepers of the gate. 
The latter, not immediately recognizing the veteran of the ring, 
refused his vehicle admittance, without the usual tip ; but Caleb, 
finding argufying the topic would not do, instead of paying them 
in the new coinage, dealt out another sort of currency, and although 
destitute of the W. W. P. it had such an instantaneous effect 
upon the Johnny Raws, that the gate flew open, and Caleb rode 
through in triumph.'* 



27 



And if quids should be wanting, to make the match 

good, 
There 's B — R — ng, the Prince of Rag Rhino, who 

stood 
(T'other day, you know) bail for the seedy * Right 

Liners ; 
Who knows but, if coax'd, he may shell out the 

shiners ? f 
The shiners ! Lord, Lord, what a bounce do I say! 
As if we could hope to have rags done away, 
Or see any thing shining, while Van has the sway! 



L say ! "^ 

" \ 

sway!.y 



As to training, a Court 's but a rum sort of station 
To choose for that sober and chaste operation J $ 

* Poor. 

t Produce the guineas. 

% The extreme rigour, in these respects, of the ancient system of 
training may be inferred from the instances mentioned by Julian. 
Not only pugilists, but even players on the harp, were, during 
the time of their probation, o-vvvcria; aptodii; %ni amtpoi. De Ani- 
mal. Lib. 6. cap. 1. 



28 



For, as old Ikey Pig* said of Courts, " by de hea- 
vens, 
Dey're all, but the Fives Court, at sixes and sevens." 
What with snoozin g,\ high grubbing, J and guzzling 

lihe Cloe, 
Your Majesties, pardon me, all get so doughy, 
That take the whole kit, down from Sandy the Bear 
To him who makes duds for the Virgin to wear, 
I'd choose but Jack Sciioggins, and feel disappointed 
If Jack didn't tell out the whole Lord's Anointed ! 

But, barring these nat'ral defects, (which, I feel, 
My remarking on thus may be thought ungenteel) 
And allowing for delicatey0ms,§ which have merely 
Been handling the sceptre, and that, too, but queerly, 

* A Jew, so nick-named — one of the Big ones. He was beaten 
by Crib on Blackheath, in the year 1805. 
t Sleeping. 
$ Feeding . 
§ Warns or fumbles, hands. 



I'm not without hopes, and would stand a tight bet, 
That I'll make something game of your Majesties yet. 
So, say but the word — if you're up to the freak, 
Let us have a prime match of it, Greek against Greek, 
And I'll put you on beef-steaks and sweating next I 

week — 

While, for teaching you every perfection, that throws a 
Renown upon milling — the tact of Mendoza — 
Thecharm,bywhichHuMPHRiEs*contriv'd to infuse 
The three Graces themselves into all his One- Two's — 
The nobbers of Johnson f — Big Ben's J banging 

brain-blows — 
The weaving of Sam, § that turn'd faces to rainbows — 

* Humphries was called " The Gentleman Boxer." He was 
(says the author of Boxiana) remarkably graceful, and his attitudes 
were of the most elegant and impressive nature. 

t Tom Johnson, who, till his fight with Big Ben, was hailed as 
the Champion of England. 

X Ben Brain, alias Big Ben, wore the honours of the Champion- 
ship till his death. 

$ Dutch Sam, a hero, of whom all the lovers of the Fancy speak, 



30 



Old Cokcoran's clicks that laid customers flat — 
Paddy Ryan from Dublin's* renown' d " coup de 

PM S " 
And my o wn improved method of tickling a rib, 
You may always command 

Your devoted 

Tom Crib, 

as the Swedes do of Charles the Twelfth, with tears in their 
eyes. 

* Celebrated Irish pugilists. 



APPENDIX. 



APPENDIX. 

No. 1. 



Account of a Grand Pugilistic Meeting, held at Bel- 
cher 's, ( Castle Tavern, Holborn) Tom Crib in the 
Chair, to take into consideration the propriety of 
sending Representatives of the Fancy to Congress. — 
Extracted from a letter written on the occasion by 
Harry Harmer the Hammerer, * to Ned Painter* 

AXX' uSeig to KAN 
Ast-^si, iwg av 
Toy tyy^w^sa axvs-rj TilM. t 



LAST Friday night a bang-up set 
Of milling blades at Belcher's met 5 

* So called in his double capacity of Boxer and Coppersmith. 
t The passage in Pindar, from which the following lines of 
" Hark, the merry Christ Church Bells" are evidently borrowed. 
The devil a man 
Will leave his can, 
Till he hears the Mighty Tom. 



34 

All high-bred Heroes of the Ri?ig, 

Whose very gammon would delight one ; 

Who,, nurs'd beneath The Fancy's wing, 
Show all herjeathers — but the vohite one. 

Brave Tom, the Champion, with an air 
Almost Corinthian,* took the Chair; 
And kept the Coves f in quiet tune, 

By shewing such ajist of mutton 
As, on a Point of Order, soon 

Would take the shine from Speaker Sutton. 
And all the lads look'd gay and bright, 

And gin and genius flash'd about, 
And whosoe'er grew unpolite, 

The well-bred Champion servd him out. 

* ?, e. With the air, almost, of a man of rank and fashion. In- 
deed, according to Horace's, notions of a peerage, Tom's claims to 
it are indisputable. 

1 ilium supcrarc pugnis 

Nob'Uem. 
t Fellows. 



35 

As we'd been summon'd thus, to quaff 

Our Deady* o'er some State Affairs, 
Of course we mix'd not with the raff, 

But had the Sunday room, up stairs. 
And when we well had sluiced our gobs, f 

'Till all were in prime ttvig for chatter, 
Tom rose, and to our learned nobs 

Propounded thus th' important matter : — 

" Gemmen," says he — Tom's words, you know, 
Come, like his hitting, strong but slow — 
" Seeing as how those Swells , that made 
" Old Boney quit the hammering trade, 
" (All Prime Ones in their own conceit,) 
" Will shortly at the Congress meet — 
<€ (Some place that's like the Finish \, lads, 
" Where all your high pedestrian pads, 

* Deady's gin, otherwise, Deady's brilliant stark naked. 

t Had drunk heartily. 

$ A public-house in Co vent-Garden, memorable as one of the 

D 2 



•36 

" That have been up and out all night, 

" Running their rigs among the rattlers,* 
" At morning meet, and, — honour bright, — 

" Agree to share the blunt and tatlers !) f 
" Seeing as how, I say, these Swells 

cc Are soon to meet, by special summons, 
" To chime together, like " helVs bells,' 9 

" And laugh at all mankind, as rum ones— 
" I see no reason, when such things 
" Are going on among these Kings, 
" Why We, who're of the Fancy lay, + 
" As dead hands at a mill as they, 

places, where the Gentlemen Depredators of tlie night (the Holy 
League of the Road) meet, early in the morning, for the purpose 
of sharing the spoil, and arranging other matters connected with 
their most Christian Alliance. 

* Robbing travellers in chaises, &c. 

t The money and watches. 

$ Particular pursuit or enterprize. Thus, " he is on the kid- 
lay," i. e. stopping children with parcels and robbing them— the 
ken-crack lay, house-breaking, &c. &c. 



37 

u And quite as ready, after it, 

" To share the spoil and grab the bit *, 

" Should not be there, to join the chat, 

" To see, at least, what fun they're at, 

cc And help their Majesties to find 

" Netv modes of punishing mankind. 

" What say you, lads ? is any spark 

" Among you ready for a lark f 

<e To this same Congress? — Caleb, Joe, 

t€ Bill, Bob, what say you? — yes, or no ?" 

Thus spoke the Champion, Prime of men, 
And loud and long we cheer d his prattle 

With shouts, that thunder d through the ken, % 
And made Tom's Sunday tea-things rattle ! 

* To seize the money. 

t A frolic or party of pleasure. 

% House, 



38 

A pause ensued — 'till cries of " Gregson'* 
Brought Bob, the Poet, on his legs soon — 
{My eyes, how prettily Bob writes ! 

Talk of your Camels, Hogs, and Crabs,* 
And twenty more such Pidcock frights — 

Bob's worth a hundred of these dabs: 
For a short turn up f at a sonnet, 

A round of odes, or Pastoral bout, 
All Lombard-street to nine-pence on it, \ 

Bobby's the boy would clean them out I) 



* By this curious zoological assemblage (something like Berni's 
" porci, e poeti, e pidocchi') the writer means, I suppose, Messrs. 
Campbell, Crabbe and Hogg. 

t A turn-up is properly a casual and hasty set-to. 

^ More usually u Lombard-street to a China orange.'' There 
are several of these fanciful forms of betting — " Chelsea College 
to a sentry-box," " Pompey's Pillar to a stick of sealing-wax," 
&c. &c. 



39 



** Gemmcn," says he — (Bob's eloquence 

Lies much in C — nn — g's line, 'tis said, 
For, when Bob can't afford us sense, 

He tips us poetry, instead — ) 
'* Gemmen, before I touch the matter, 
€i On which I'm here had up for patter,* 
ft A few short words I first must spare, 
" To him, the Hero, that sits there, 
" Swigging Blue Ruin, f in that chair. 
" {Hear — hear) — His fame I need not tell, 

" For that, my friends, all England's loud with ; 
" But this I'll say, a civiller Swell 

" I'd never wish to blow a cloud % with !" 

At these brave words, we, ev'ry one, 

Sung out " hear — hear" — and clapp'd, like fun. 

* Talk. t Gin. 

+ To smoke a pipe. This phrase is highly poetical, and ex- 
plains what Homer meant by the epithet, vf$fX*iyspsTiic- 



40 

For, knowing how, on Moulsey's plain f 

The Champion^MV the poet's nob, * 
This bidtering-up,\ against the grain,, 

We thought was curs' d genteel in Bob, 
And, here again, we may remark 

Bob's likeness to the Lisbon jobber — % 
For, though, all know, thaijlashy spark 

From C — st — r — gh received a nobler ', 
That made him look like sneaking Jerry, 
And laid him up in ordinary, § 
Yet, now, such loving pals || are they, 

That Georgy, wiser as he's older, 
Instead of facing C — st — r — gh, 

Is proud to be his bottle-holder ! 

* In the year 1808, when Crib defeated Gregson. 
t Praising or flattering. 

X These parallels between great men are truly edifying. 
§ Sea cant — a good deal of which has been introduced into the 
regular Flash, by such classic heroes as Scroggins, Crockey, &c. 
II Friends, 



41 

But to return to Bob's harangue, 
'Twas deuced fine — no shim or slang — 
But such as you could smoke the bard in,— 
All full ofjlotvers, like Common Garden, 
With lots of 'figures, neat and bright, 
Like Mother Salmon's — wax-work quite ! 

The next was Turner — nobbing Ned — 
Who put his right leg forth, * and said, 
" Tom, I admire your notion much ; 

" And, please the pigs, if well and hearty, 
(C I somehow thinks I'll have a touch, 

" Myself, at this said Congress party. 
" Though no great shakes at learned chat, 

" If settling Europe be the sport, 

* Ned's favourite Pro/eg-omena in battle as well as in debate. 
As this position is said to render him " very hard to be got at," 
I would recommend poor Mr. V — ns — t — t to try it as a last re- 
source, in his next set-to with Mr. T — rn — y. 



42 



They'll find I'm just the boy for that, 
" As tipping settlers* is my forte P 



m 



Then up rose Ward, the veteran Joe, 
And, 'twixt his whiffs, f suggested briefly 

That but ajetv, at first, should go, 

And those, the light-weight Gemmen chiefly ; 

As if too many " Big ones" went, 

They might alarm the Continent! ! 

Joe added, then, that, as 'twas known 
The R — g — t, bless his wig ! had shown 
A taste for Art, (like Joey's own J) 

* A kind of blow, whose sedative nature is sufficiently explained 
by the name it bears. 

t Joe being particularly fond of ' * that costly and gentlemanlike 
smoke'* as Dekker calls it. The talent which Joe possesses of 
uttering Flash while he smokes — " exfumo dare lucem* — is very 
remarkable. 

t Joe's taste for pictures has been thus commemorated by the 



43 

And meant, 'mong other sporting things, 
To have the heads of all those Kings, 
And conqu'rors, whom he loves so dearly, 
Taken off—on canvas, merely ; 
God forbid the other mode ! — 
He (Joe) would from his own abode, 
(The Dragon * — fam'd for Fancy works, 
Drawings of Heroes, and of — corks) 

great Historian of Pugilism — " If Joe Ward cannot boast of a 
splendid gallery of pictures formed of selections from the great 
foreign masters, he can sport such a collection of native subjects 
as, in many instances, must be considered unique. Portraits of 
nearly all the pugilists (many of them in whole lengths and atti- 
tudes) are to be found, from the days of Figg and Broughlon 
down to the present period, with likenesses of many distinguished 
amateurs, among whom are Captain Barclay, the classic Dr. 
Johnson, the Duke of Cumberland, &c. His parlour is decorated 
in a similar manner ; and his partiality for pictures has gone so far, 
that even the tap-room contains many excellent subjects !" — Box- 
iana, vol. i. p. 431. 

* The Green Dragon, King-street, near Swallow-street, " where 



44 



Furnish such Gemmen of the Fist, * 

As would complete the R — g — t's list. 

€C Thus, Champion Tom/' said he, " would look 

cc Right well, hung up beside the Duke — 

" Tom's noddle being (if its frame 

€C Had but the gilding) much the same — 

ci And, as a partner for Old B lit, 

ic Bill Gibbons or myself would do." 

Loud cheering at this speech of Joey's — 
Who, as the Dilettanti know, is 

(says the same author) any person may have an opportunity of 
verifying what has been asserted in viewing Ward's Cabinet of the 
Fancy /" 

♦Among the portraits is one of BillGibbons, by a pupil of the 
great Fuseli, which gave occasion to the following impromptu : — 
Though you are one of Fuseli's scholars, 

This question I'll dare to propose, — 
How the devil could you use water-colours, 
In painting Bill GrEBONS's nose? 



45 

(With all his other learned parts,) 
Doivn as a hammer * to the Arts ! 

Old Bill, the Black, f — you know him, Neddy— 

(With mug \) whose hue the ebon shames, 
Reflected in a pint of Deady, 

Like a large Collier in the Thames) 
Though somewhat cut, § just beggd to say 
He hop'd that Swell, Lord C — st — it — gh, 
Would show the Lily- Whites || fair play ; 

* To be down to any thing is pretty much the same as being up 
to it, and ** down as a hammer" is, of course, the intensivum of the 
phrase. 

t Richmond. $ Face. 

§ Cut, tipsy ; another remarkable instance of the similarity that 
exists between the language of the Classics and that of St. Giles's. — 
In Martial we iind " Incaluit quoties saucia vena mero." Ennius, 
too, has u sauciavit se flore Liberi ;" and Justin " hesterno mero 
saucii." 

|| Lily-whites, (or Snow-balls) Negroes. 



46 

".And not — as once he did" — says Bill, 

et Among those Kings, so high and squirish, 

(< Leave us, poor Blacks, to fare as ill, 
" As if we were but pigs, or — Irish V 9 

Bill Gibbons, rising, wish'd to know 
Whether 'twas meant his Bull should go — 
" As should their Majesties be dull," 
Says Bill, " there's nothing like a Bull : * 
iC And blotv me tight"— (Bill Gibbons ne'er 
In all his days was known to swear, 
Except light oaths, to grace his speeches, 
Like " dash my ivig," or " burn my breeches P*) 
" Blow me—" 



* Bill Gibbons has, I believe, been lately rivalled in this pe- 
culiar Walk of the Fancy, by the superior merits of Tom Oliver's 
Game Bull. 



47 

— Just then, the Chair, * already 
Grown rather lively with the Deady, 



* From the respect which I bear to all sorts of dignitaries, and 
my unwillingness to meddle with the " imputed weaknesses of 
the great/' I have been induced to suppress the remainder of this 
detail. 



48 



No. 2. 



Virgil, ^Eneid. Lib. v. 4. 26. 

Constitit in digitos extemplo arrectus uterque, 
Brachiaque ad superas interritus extulit auras. 
Abduxere retro longe capita ardua ab ictu : 
Immiscentque manus manibus, pugnamque laces- 

sunt. 
Ille, pedum melior motu^ fretusque juventa: 
Hie, membris et mole valens ; 



49 



No. % 



Account of the Milling-match between Entellus and 
Dares , translated from the Fifth Booh of the 
sEneid, 



BY ONE OF THE FANCY. 



WITH daddies * high uprais'd, and nob held back, 
In awful prescience of th* impending thwack, 
Both Kiddies f stood — and with prelusive spar. 
And light manoeuvring, kindled up the war ! 
The One, in bloom of youth — flight-weight blade' 
The Other, vast, gigantic, as if made, 
Express, by Nature for the hammering trade ; 

* Hands. 

t Fellows, usually young fellows. 

E 



} 



50 



sed tarda trementi 
Genua labant, vastos quatit aeger anhelitus artus. 
Multa viri nequicquam inter se vulnera jactant, 
Multa-cavo lateri ingeminant, et pectore vastos 
Dant sonitus : erratque aures et tempora circum 
Crebra manus : dure crepitant sub vulnere malee. 



Stat gravis Entellus, nisuque immotus eodem, 
Corpore tela modo atque oculis vigilantibus exit. 



51 



But aged,* slow, with stiff limbs, tottering much, 
And lungs, that lack'd the bellows -mender's touch. 

Yet, sprightly to the Scratch both Buffers came, 
While ribbers rung from each resounding frame, 
And divers digs, and many a ponderous pelt, 
Were on their broad bread-baskets heard and felt. 
With roving aim, but aim that rarely miss'd, 
Round lugs and ogles f flew the frequent fist -> 
While showers officers told so deadly well, 
That the crush'd jaw-bones crackled as they fell! 
But firmly stood Entellus — and still bright, 
Though bent by age, with all The Fancy's light, 

* Macrobius,in his explanation of the various properties of the 
number Seven, says, that the fifth Hebdomas of man's life (the age 
of 35) is the completion of his strength ; that therefore pugilists, if 
not successful, usually give over their profession at that time. 
" Inter pugiles denique haec consuetudo conservatur, ut quos jam 
coronavere victorias, nihil de se amplius in incrementis virium spe- 
rent; qui vero expertes hujus gloriae usque illo manserunt, a pro- 
fessione discedant.'* In Somn. Scip. Lib. 1. 

f Ears and eyes. 

E 2 



52 



Hie, velut celsam oppugnat qui molibus urbem, 
Aut montana sedet circum castella sub armisj 
Nunc hos, nunc illos aditus, omnemque pererrat 
Arte locum, et variis assultibus irritus urget. 



Ostendit dextram insurgens Entellus, et alte 
Extulit ) ille ictum venientem a vertice velox 
Prsevidit, celerique elapsus corpore cessit. 
Entellus vires in ventum effudit, et ultro 
Ipse gravis graviterque ad terrain pondere vasto 



53 



Stoppd with a skill, and rallied with a fire 
Th' Immortal Fancy could alone inspire ! 
While Dares, shifting round, with looks of thought, 
An opening to the Corns huge carcase sought, 
(Like General Preston, in that awful hour,, 
When on one leg he hopp'd to — take the Tower !) 
And here, and there, explor'd with active^ * 
And skW£u\ feint, some guardless pass to win, 
And prove a boring guest when once let in. 



fin* \ 

win, V 

*. ) 



And now Entellus, with an eye that plann'd 
Punishing deeds, high rais'd his heavy hand $ 
But, ere the sledge came down, young Dares spied 
Its shadow o'er his brow, and slipp'd aside — 
So nimbly slipp'd, that the vain nolber pass'd 
Through empty air ; and He, so high, so vast, 

* Arm. 



54 



Concidit ; ut quondam cava concidit, aut Erymantho, 
Aut Ida in magna, radicibus eruta pinus. 



Consurgunt studiis Teucri et Trinacria pubes : 
It clamor coelo $ primusque accurrit Acestes 
iEqueevumque ab humo miserans attollit amicum. 



oo 



Who dealt the stroke, came thundering to the 

ground ! — 
Not B— ck — gh — m, himself, with bulkier sound,* 
Uprooted from the field of Whiggish glories, 
Fell souse, of late, among the astonish' d Tories ! f 
Instant the Ring was broke, and shouts and yells 
From Trojan Flaskmen and Sicilian Swells 
Fill'd the wide heav'n — while, touch'd with grief to 

see 
His pal,% well-known through many a lark and 

spree, § 

* As the uprooted trunk in the original is said to be ' ' cava," 
the epithet here ought, perhaps, to be " hollower sound. * 

f I trust my conversion of the Erymanthian pine into his 
L — ds — p will be thought happy and ingenious. It was suggested, 
indeed, by the recollection that Erymanthus was also famous for 
another sort of natural production, very common in society at all 
periods, and which no one but Hercules ever seems to have known 
how to manage. Though even he is described by Valerius Flac- 
cus as — "Erymanthaei sudantem pondere monstri." 

X Friend. § Party of pleasure and frolic. 



56 



At non tardatus casu, neque territus heros 3 
Acrior ad pugnam reditu ac vim suscitat ira 5 
Turn pudor incendit vires, et conscia virtus ; 
Prsecipitemque Daren ardens agit sequore toto ; 
Nunc dextra ingeminans ictus, nunc ille sinistra. 



57 



Thus rumly floor 'd, the kind Acestes ran, 

And pitying rais'd from earth the game old man. 

Uncow'd, undamag'd to the sport he came, 

His limbs all muscle, and his soul all flame. 

The memory of his milling glories past, 

The shame, that aught but death should see him 

grass'd, 
All fiVd the veteran's pluck — with fury flush'd 
Full on his light-limb'd customer he rush'd, 
Andhammering right and left, with ponderous swing,* 
Ruffian' d the reeling youngster round the Ring — 

* This phrase is but too applicable to the round hitting of the 
ancients, who, it appears by the engravings in Mercurialis de Art. 
Gymnast, knew as little of our straight-forward mode as the un- 
initiated Irish of the present day. I have, by the by, discovered 
some errors in Mercurialis, as well as in two other modern authors 
upon Pugilism (viz. Petrus Faber, in his Agonisticon, and that 
indefatigable classic antiquary, M. Burette, in his " Memoire pour 
servir a l'Histoire du Pugilat des Anciens") which I shall have the 
pleasure of pointing out in my forthcoming " Parallel." 



58 



Nec mora, nee requies : quam multa grandine nimbi 
Culminibus crepitant, sic densis ictibus heros 
Creber utraque manu pulsat versatque Dareta. 

Turn pater JEneas procedere longius iras, 
Et ssevire animis Entellum haud passus acerbis ; 
Sed finem imposuit pugnae, fessumque Dareta 
Eripuit, mulcens dictis, ac talia fatur. 

Infelix! quae tanta animum dementia cepit r 
Non vires alias, conversaque numina sentis ? 
Cede Deo. 



59 



Nor rest, nor pause, nor breathing- time was giveii; 
But, rapid as the rattling hail from heav'n 
Beats on the house-top, showers of Randal's shot * 
Around the Trojan's lugs flew, peppering hot! 
'Till now jEneas, fill'd with anxious dread, 
Kush'd in between them, and, with words well-bred, 
Preserved alike the peace and Dares' head, 
Both which the veteran much inclin'd to break — 
Then kindly thus the punish* d youth bespake : 
" Poor Johnny Raw ! what madness could impel 
" So rum a Flat to face so prime a Swell? 
" See'st thou not, boy, the Fancy, heavenly Maid, 
" Herself descends to this great Hammerer's aid, 
ce And, singling him from all her flash adorers, 
" Shines in his hits, and thunders in his floorers ? 
" Then, yield thee, youth, — nor such a spooney be, 
" To think mere man can mill a Deity !" 

* A favourite blow of the Nonpareil's, so called. 



60 



Dixitque, et prselia voce diremit. 
Ast ilium fidi aequales, genua segra trahentem 
Jactantemque utroque caput, crassumque cruorem 
Ore rejectantem, mixtosque in sanguine dentes 
Ducunt ad naves. 



61 



Thus spoke the Chief— and now, the scrimmage o'er. 
His faithful pals the done-up Dares bore 
Back to his home, with tottering gams, sunk heart, 
And rnuns and noddle pink' d in every part.* 
While from his gob the guggling claret gush'd, 
And lots of grinders, from their sockets crush'd, 
Forth with the crimson tide in rattling fragments 
rush'd ! 

* There are two or three Epigrams in the Greek Anthology, 
ridiculing the state of mutilation and disfigurement to which the 
pugilists were reduced by their combats. The following four 
lines are from an Epigram by Lucillius, Lib. 2. 

Koo-xivov »j xf^aXjj an, AiroXhotyaveg, yeyzynrai, 
H twv onTOKOTttvv fivGxapuvv ret xaTw. 

Tpct,[A[Aalc<, twv "KvfMwV AvSia %cu *J>pi/yta. 

Literally, as follows : " Thy head, O A pollophanes, is perforated 
like a sieve, or like the leaves of an old worm-eaten book; and the 
numerous scars, both straight and cross-ways, which have been 



62 



left upon thy pate by the cstus, very much resemble the score of 
a Lydian or Phrygian piece of music." Periphrastically, thus : 
Your noddle, dear Jack, full of holes like a sieve, 

Is so figur'd, and dotted, and scratch'd, I declare, 
By your customers 9 fists, one would almost believe 

They had punched a whole verse of " The Woodpecker" there ! 
It ought to be mentioned, that the word " punching" is u*ed 
both in boxing and music-engraving. 



63 



No. 3. 

As illustrative of the Noble Lord's visit to Congress, I take the 
liberty of giving the two following pieces of poetry, which 
appeared some time since in the Morning Chronicle, and which 
are from the pen, I suspect, of that facetious Historian of the 
Fudges, Mr. Thomas Brown, the Younger. 

LINES 

ON THE DEPARTURE OF LORDS C — ST — R— GH 
AND ST — W— RT FOR THE CONTINENT. 

At Paris* et Fratres, et qui rapuere sub illis 
Vix tenuere manus (scis hoc, Menelae) nefandas. 

Ovid. Metam. Lib. 13. v. 202. 

GO 3 Brothers in wisdom — go, bright pair of Peers, 
And may Cupid and Fame fan you both with 
their pinions ! 
The One, the best lover we have — of his years, 
And the other Prime Statesman of Britain's dc« 
minions. 

* Ovid is mistaken in saying that it was " at Paris" these 
rapacious transactions took place— we should read " at "Vienna." 



64 



Go, Hero of Chancery, blest with the smile 

Of the Misses that love, and the monarchs that 
prize thee $ 

Forget Mrs. Ang — lo T — yl — r awhile, 

And all tailors but him who so well dandifies thee. 

Never mind how thy juniors in gallantry scoff, 
Never heed how perverse affidavits may thwart 
thee, 

But shew the young Misses thou 'rt scholar enough 
To translate " Amor Fortis" a love, about forty ! 

And sure 'tis no wonder, when, fresh as young Mars, 

From the battle you came, with the Orders you'd 

earn'd in't, 

That sweet Lady Fanny should cry out " my stars!" 

And forget that the Moon, too, was some way 

concerned in't. 



65 



For not the great R — g — t himself has endur'd 
(Though I've seen him with badges and orders all 
shine, 

Till he look'd like a house that was over insured) 
A much heavier burthen of glories than thine. 

And 'tis plain, when a wealthy young lady so mad is, 
Or any young ladies can so go astray, 

As to marry old Dandies that might be their daddies, 
The stars * are in fault, my Lord St — w — rt, not 
they ! 

Thou, too, t'other brother, thou Tully of Tories, 
Thou Malaprop Cicero, over whose lips 

Such a smooth rigmarole about " monarchs," and 
" glories," 
And "n^Z/f^/'fand^features/'likesyllabub slips. 

* u When weak women go astray, 
" The stars are more in fault than they." 
f It is thus the noble Lord pronounces the word " knowledge" — 

F 



66 



Go, haste, at the Congress pursue thy vocation 
Of adding fresh sums to this National Debt of ours, 

Leaguing with Kings, who, for mere recreation, 
Break promises, fast as your Lordship breaks 
metaphors. 

Fare ye well, fare ye well, bright Pair of Peers, 
And may Cupid and Fame fan you both with 
their pinions ! 
The One, the best lover we have — of his years, 
And the Other, Prime Statesman of Britain's do- 
minions. 

deriving it, as far as his own share is concerned, from the Latin, 
*' nullas." 



67 



TO THE SHIP IN WHICH LORD C — ST — R — GH 
SAILED FOR THE CONTINENT. 

Imitated from Horace , Lib. 1. Ode 3. 

So may my Lady's pray'rs prevail,* 

And C — nn-*g's too, and lucid Br — gge's, 

And Eld — n beg a favouring gale 
From Eolus, that older Bags, f 

To speed thee on thy destin'd way, 

Oh ship, that bear'st our C — st — r — gh, j 

* Sic te Diva potens Cypri, 

Sic fratres Helenae, lucida sidera, 
Ventorumqae regat pater, 
f See a description of the ac-xot, or Bags of Eolus, in the Odys- 
sey, Lib. 10. 

J Navis, quas tibi creditum 
Debes Virgilium. 

F2 



68 

Our gracious R — g — t's better half, * 

And, therefore, quarter of a King — 
(As Van, or any other calf, 

May find, without much figuring.) 
Waft him, oh ye kindly breezes, 

Waft this Lord of place and pelf, 
Any where his Lordship pleases, 

Though 'twere to the D — 1 himself! 

Oh, what a face of brass was his, f 
Who first at Congress show'd his phyz — 
To sign away the Rights of Man 

To Russian threats and Austrian juggle -, 
And leave the sinking African J 

To fall without one saving struggle — 

* Animae dimidium raeum. 

f Illi robur et aes triplex. 

Circa pectus erat, qui, &c. 

J prajcipitem Africum 

Decertantem Aquilonibus. 



69 

'Mong ministers from North and South, 
To shew his lack of shame and sense, 

And hoist the Sign of " Bull and Mouth" 
For blunders and for eloquence ! 

In vain we wish our Sees, at home * 

To mind their papers, desks, and shelves, 

If silly Sees, abroad tvill roam 

And make such noodles of themselves. 

But such hath always been the case — 
For matchless impudence of face, 
There's nothing like your Tory race ! f 

* Nequicquam Deus abscidit 
Prudens oceano dissociabili 
Terras, si tamen impiae 

Non tangenda Rates transiliunt vada. 
This last line, we may suppose, alludes to some distinguished 
Rats that attended the voyager. 

f Audax omnia perpeti 

Gens ruit per vetitum nefas. 



70 



First, Pitt,* the chos'n of England, taught her 

A taste for famine, fire, and slaughter. 

Then came the Doctor, f for our ease, 

With E — d — ns, Ch — th — MS, H — wk — b — s, 

And other deadly maladies. 

When each, in turn, had run their rigs, 

Necessity brought in the Whigs : J 

And oh, I blush, I blush to say, 

When these, in turn, were put to flight, too, 
Illustrious T — mp — e flew away 

With lots of pens he had no right to ! § 

* Audax Japeti genus 

Ignem fraude mala gentibus intulit- 

+ Post 

macies, et nova febrium 

Terris incubit cohors. 

J tarda necessitas 

Lethi corripuit gradum. 
§ Expertus vacuum Daedalus aera 
Pennis non homini datis, 
Tliis allusion to the 1200/. worth of stationary, which his Lord- 
ship ordered, when on the point of vacating his place, is par- 
ticularly happy. Ed. 



71 



In short, what will not mortal man do ? * 
And now, that — strife and bloodshed past — 

We've done on earth what harm we can do, 
We gravely take to heav'n at last $ f 

And think its favouring smile to purchase 

(Oh Lord, good Lord ! by — building churches !) 

* Nil mortalibus arduum est. 

•f* Coelum ipsum petimus stultitia. 



72 



No. 4. 
BOB GREGSON, 

POET LAUREATE OF THE FANCY. 

'■* FOR hitting and getting away (says the elegant 
Author of Boxiana) Richmond is distinguished ; 
and the brave Molineux keeps a strong hold in the 
circle of boxers, as a pugilist of the first class ; while 
the Champion of England stands unrivalled for his 
punishment, game, and milling on the retreat ! — but, 
notwithstanding the above variety of qualifications, 
it has been reserved for Bob Gregson, alone, from 
his union of pugilism and poetry, to recount the 
deeds of his Brethren of the Fist in heroic verse, 
like the bards of old, sounding the praises of their 



73 



warlike champions." The same author also adds,, 
that " although not possessing the terseness and 
originality of Dryden, or the musical cadence and 
correctness of Pope, yet still Bob has entered into 
his peculiar subject with a characteristic energy and 
apposite spirit." Vol. 1. p. 357. 

This high praise of Mr. Gregson's talents is fully 
borne out by the specimen which his eulogist has 
given, page 358 — a very spirited Chaunt, or Nemean 
ode, entitled " British Lads and Black Millers'* 

The connexion between poetical and pugnacious 
propensities seems to have been ingeniously adum- 
brated by the ancients, in the bow with which they 
armed Apollo : 

<J>ot^w y«£ %ca TOHON £7ri Tgs , 7r zrm xai AOIAH. 

Callimaeh. Hymn, in Apollin. v. 44. 

The same mythological bard informs us that, 
when Minerva bestowed the gift of inspiration upon 



74 



Tiresias, she also made him a present of a large 
cudgel ; 

Awo-u; %cti MET A BAKTP0N: 

another evident intimation of the congeniality sup- 
posed to exist between the exercises of the Imagina- 
tion and those of The Fancy. To no one at the 
present day is the double wreath more justly due 
than to Mr. Bob Gregson. In addition to his nu- 
merous original productions, he has condescended 
to give imitations of some of our living poets — 
particularly of Lord Byron and Mr. Moore \ and the 
amatory style of the latter gentleman has been 
caught, with peculiar felicity, in the following lines, 
which were addressed some years ago, to Miss 
Grace Maddox, a young Lady of pugilistic cele- 
brity, of whom I have already made honourable 
mention in the Preface. 



To 



LINES 

TO MISS GRACE MAJDDOX, THE FAIR PUGILIST, 

Written in imitation of the style of Moore, 

BY BOB GREGSON, P. P. 

Sweet Maid of the Fancy! — whose ogles* adorning 
That beautiful cheek, ever budding like bowers, 

Are bright as the gems that the first Jewf of morning 
Hawks round Covent-Garden,, 'mid cart-loads of 
flowers ! 

♦ Eyes. 

fBy the trifling alteration of " dew 1 ' into tl Jew," Mr.Gregson 
has contrived to collect the three chief ingredients of Moore's 
poetry, viz. dews, gems, and flowers, into the short compass of 
these two lines. 



76 



Oh Grace of the Graces ! whose kiss to my lip 
Is as sweet as the brandy and tea, rather thinnish, 

That Knights of the Rumpad* so rurally sip, 

At the first blush of dawn, in the Tap of the Finish !f 

Ah, never be false to me, fair as thou art, 

Nor belie all the many kind things thou hast said; 

The falsehood of other nymphs touches the Heart, 
But thy jibbing, my dear, plays the dev'l with the 
Head! 

Yet, who would not prize, beyond honours and pelf, 
A maid to whom Beauty such treasures has granted, 

That, ah, she not only has black eyes, herself, 
But can furnish a friend with a pair, too, if wanted ! 

* Highwaymen. 

f See Note, page 35. Brandy and tea is the favourite beverage 
at the Finish. 



77 



Lord St— w— rt's a hero (as many suppose) 
And the Lady he woos is a rich and a rare one ; 

His heart is in Chancery, every one knows, 

And so would his head be, if thou wert his fair one. 

Sweet Maid of the Fancy ! when love first came o'er 
me, 

I felt rather queerish, I freely confess 5 
But now I've thy beauties each moment before me, 

The pleasure grows more, and the queerishness less. 

Thus a new set of darbies ,* when first they are worn, 
Makes the Jail-bird f uneasy, though splendid 
their ray 5 

But the links will lie lighter the longer they're borne, 
And the comfort increase, as the shine fades away ! 

* Fetters. 

f Prisoner. — This being the only bird in the whole range of 
Ornithology, which the author of Lalla Kookh has not pressed 
into his service, Mr. Gregson may consider himself very lucky in 
being able to lay hold of it. 



78 



1 had hoped that it would have been in my power 
to gratify the reader with several of Mr. Gregson*s 
lyrical productions, but I have only been able to 
procure copies of Two Songs, or Chaunts, which 
were written by him for a Masquerade, or Fancy 
Ball, given lately at one of the most fashionable 
Cock-and-Hen Clubs in St. Giles's. Though most 
of the company were without characters, there were 
a few very lively and interesting maskers; among 
whom> we particularly noticed Bill Richmond, as 
the Emperor qfHayti,* attended by Sutton, as a sort 
of black Mr. V — ns — t— t j and Ikey Pig made 
an excellent L — s D — xh — t. The beautiful Mrs. 
Crockey,| who keeps the Great Rag Shop in Ber- 

* His Majesty (in a Song which 1 regret I cannot give) professed 
his intentions 

To take to strong measures like some of his kin — 
To turn away Count Lemonade, and bring in 
A more spirited ministry under Duke Gin ! 
f A relative of poor Oockcy, who was lagged some time since. 



79 



mondsey, went as the Old LadyqfThreadnecdle Street. 
She was observed to flirt a good deal with the black 
Mr. V — ns — t— t, but to do her justice, she guarded 
her €i Hesperidum mala" with all the vigilance of a 
dragoness. Jack Holmes,* the pugilistic Coach- 
man, personated Lord C — st — r — gh, and sung in 
admirable style 

Ya-hip, my Hearties ! here am I 
That drive the Constitution Fly. 
This Song (which was written for him by Mr. 
Gregson, and in which the language and sentiments 
of Coachee are transferred so ingeniously to the 
Noble person represented) is as follows : 

* The same, I suppose, that served out Blake (alias Tom Tough) 
some years ago, at Wilsden Green. The Fancy Gazette, on that 
occasion, remarked, that poor Holmes's face was " rendered per* 
fectly unintelligible." 



80 



YA-HIP, MY HEARTIES ! 

Sung by Jack Holmes, the Coachman, at a late masquerade in 
St. Giles's, in the character of Lord C — ST — R — GH. 



I first was hir'd to peg a Hack * 
They call " The Erin," sometime back/ 
Where soon I learn'd to patter Jlash>f 
To curb the tits J and tip the lash—*- 
Which pleas'd the Master of tke Crown 
So much, he had me up to town, 
And gave me lots of quids § a year, 
To tool |] " The Constitution" here. 
So, ya-hip, Hearties ! here am I 
That drive the Constitution Fly. 

* To drive a haekney coach. Hack, however,* seems in this 
place to mean an old broken down stage-coach. 
f T-o talk slang, parliamentary or otherwise. 
X Horses. 
§ Money. 
j| A process carried on successfully under the Roman Emperors, 



81 

Some wonder how the Fly holds out, 

So rotten 'tis, within, without -, 

So loaded, too, through thick and thin, 

And with such heavy creturs In. 

But, Lord, 'twill last our time — or if 

The wheels should, now and then, get stiff, 

Oil of Palm's * the thing that, flowing, 

Sets the naves and felloes f going! 

So, ya-hip, Hearties ! &c. 

Some wonder, too, the tits that pull 
This rum concern along, so full, 

as appears from what Tacitus says of the 1t Instrumenta Regni" — 
To tool is a technical phrase among the Knights of the Whip ; 
thus, that illustrious member of the Society, Richard Cypher, Esq. 
says : "I've dash'd at every thing — pegg'd at ajervy — toaL'd a mail- 
coach." 

• Money. 

t In Mr. Gregson's MS. these words are spelled *• knaves and 
fellows** but I have printed them according to the proper wheel- 
wright orthography. 

G 



82 

Should never back, or bolt, or kick 

The load and driver to Old Nick. 

But, never fear — the breed, though British, 

Is now no longer game or skittish ; 

Except, sometimes, about their com, 

Tamer Houyhnhnms * ne'er were born. 

So, ya-hip, Hearties ! &c. 

And then so sociably we ride ! — 
While some have places, snug, inside, 
Some, hoping to be there anon, 
Through many a dirty road hang on. 

* The extent of Mr. Gregson's learning will, no doubt, astouish 
the reader; and it appears by the following lines, from a Panegyric 
written upon him, by One of the Fancy, that he is also a considera- 
ble adept in the Latin language. 

'* As to sciences — Bob knows a little of all, 

" And, in Latin, to shew that he's no ignoramus, 
4t He wrote once an Ode on his friend, Major Paul, 
" And the motto was I\iulo majora canamus!" 



83 

And when we reach a filthy spot,, 
(Plenty of which there are, God wot) 
You'd laugh to see, with what an air 
We take the spatter — each his share! 

So, ya-hip, Hearties ! &c. 



The other song of Mr. Gregson, which I have 
been lucky enough to lay hold of, was sung by Old 
Prosy y the Jew, who went in the character of Major 
C — rtw — ght, and who having been, at one time 
of his life, apprentice to a mountebank doctor, was 
able to enumerate, with much volubility, the virtues 
of a certain infallible nostrum, which he called his 
Annual Pill. The pronunciation of the Jew added 
considerably to the effect. 



84 



THE ANNUAL PILL. 
Sung by Old Prosy, the Jew, in the character of Major 

C — RTW — GHT. 



VILL nobodies try my nice Annual Pill, 

Dat's to purify every ting tiashty avay ? 
Pless ma heart, pless ma heart, let ma say vat I vill, 

Not a Chrishtian or Shentleman minds vat I say ! 
'Tis so pretty a bolus!— just down let it go, 

And, at vonce, such a radical shange you vill see, 
Dat I'd not be surprised, like de horse in de show, 

If our heads all vere found, vere our tailsh ought 
to be! 
Vill nobodies try my nice Annual Pill, &c. 



85 



'Twill cure all Electors, and purge away clear 

Dat mighty bad itching dey've got in deir hands — 
'Twill cure, too, all Statesmen, of dullness, ma tear, 
Though the case vas as desperate as poor Mister 
Van's. 
Dere is noting at all vat dis Pill vill not reach- 
Give the Sinecure Ghentleman von little grain, 
Pless ma heart, it vill act, like de salt on de leech, 
And he'll throw de pounds, shillings, and pence, 
up again ! 
Vill nobodies try my nice Annual Pill, &c. 

'Twould be tedious, ma tear, all its peauties to paint — 
But, among oder trngsfundamentally wrong, 

It vill cure de 'Broad Bottom * — a common complaint 
Among M . Ps. and weavers — from sitting too 
long, f 

* Meaning, I presume, Coalition Administrations. 

t Whether sedentary habits have any thing to do with thU 



86 



Should symptoms of speeching preak out on a dunce, 

(Vat is often de case) it vill stop de disease, 
And pring avay all de long speeches at vonce, 

Dat else vould,like tape- worms, come by degrees ! 
Vill nobodies try my nice Annual Pill, 

Dat's to purify every ting nashty away ? 
Pless ma heart, pless ma heart, let ma say vat I vill 

Not a Christian or Shentleman minds vat I say ! 

peculiar shape, I cannot determine, but that some have supposed 
a sort of connection between them, appears from the following 
remark, quoted in Kornmann's curious book, de Virginitatis Jure — 
*' Ratio perquam lepida est apud Kirchner. in Legato, cum natura 
illas partes, quae ad sessionem sunt destinatae, latiores in faeminis 
fecerit quani in viris, innueus domi eas manere debere. ,, Cap. 40. 



87 



No. 5. 

The following poem is also from the Morning Chronicle, and has 
every appearance of being by the same pen as the two others 
I have quoted. The Examiner, indeed, in extracting it from 
the Chronicle, says, " we think we can guess whose easy 
and sparkling hand it is." 

TO SIR HUDSON LOWE. 

EiFare causam nominis, 
Utrum ne mores hoc tui 
Nomen dedere, an nomen hoc 
Secuta morum regula. 

AUSONILS. 

SIR Hudson Lowe, Sir Hudson Lozv, 
(By name, and ah ! by nature so) 

As thou art fond of persecutions, 
Perhaps thou'st read, or heard repeated, 
How Captain Gulliver was treated, 

When thrown among the Lilliputians. 



88 



They tied him down — these little men did — 
And having valiantly ascended 

Upon the Mighty Man's protuberance, 
They did so strut ! — upon my soul, 
It must have been extremely droll 

To see their pigmy pride's exuberance ! 

And how the doughty mannikins 
Amus'd themselves with sticking pins 

And needles in the great man's breeches ; 
And how some very little things, 
That pass'd for Lords, on scaffoldings 

fGot up, and worried him with speeches. 

Alas, alas! that it should happen 

To mighty men to be caught napping ! — 

Though different, too, these persecutions ; 
For Gulliver, there, took the nap, 
While, here, the Nap, oh sad mishap, 

Is taken by the Lilliputians ! 

THE END. 

Printed by T. Davison, Whilefiiar?, London, 
















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